The Menopausal Mood Hat

I was watching clips from a Green Bay Packer’s game and saw a man wearing a Cheese Head. I thought to myself, “That cheese hat lets everyone know, immediately, that the person wearing it is a Green Bay Packer’s fan.” I was overcome by the brilliance of this idea. Apparently, it was a slow day.

Then I remembered the mood rings of the seventies that displayed different colors which were supposed to reflect your different mood. Green meant you were happy, blue meant you were calm, etc. Of course they always stayed the same general gray color, but what do you expect from an adjustable ring that cost $1.79? The amazing thing was how we each imagined the ring was turning slightly bluer, or slightly greener. They offered the same tense moments that pregnancy sticks provided years later.

As I pondered the brilliance of the Cheese hat and the marketing success of the Mood Ring, I decided to develop a new invention that might make relationships during menopause a lot easier.

[quote button_text=”Tweet the Quote”]I’d call it the Menopausal Mood Hat, and it would signal mood changes so that others could know when to avoid us, the wearers of the hat.[/quote]

The hat would look like a miner’s hat with a small light positioned in the front that provides the different-colored signals. Hey, if a cheese hat can take-off so can a miner’s hat.

Here’s how it would work based upon the mood fluctuations I experienced this morning:

• Yellow: Upon awaking, I was in a surprisingly happy mood, considering the fact that most mornings I want to kill somebody. My first article had been published in Huffington Post and all was right with the world. At this moment my husband could look at my menopausal hat and see the yellow light, signifying that it was safe to approach me. In fact, he could even offer a hug.

• Orange: After getting out of bed, my husband mentioned a few errands that we needed to run this weekend. As I thought about working those errands into my already busy weekend, my mood darkened slightly and it kicked off a mild hot flash. My mood hat would now be flashing Orange, showing that some Red was creeping in. My husband would know that it was safe for him to approach me, but he should eliminate the hug.

• Yellow: My husband and I decided to go to breakfast together, and in celebration of my published article, I ordered a plate filled with crispy bacon. At this point my hat would flash a bright, happy Yellow, and my husband would be allowed to both make eye-contact and hold my hand.

• Red: A friend called me as I ate my bacon to tell me that my email was not working and that she was receiving a “failed permanently” notice. I started to imagine that everybody in the world was trying to reach me about my newly published article and now I would miss Oprah and Ellen DeGeneres and Tina Fey and all of the women who would want me to come work for them and be a guest on their shows. A viscous hot flash burst through my body and I vented with a few choice words that rang through the restaurant and even frightened the large construction workers who sat beside us. At this point, my husband would have seen a bright Red light, and know that it did not offer him the same reward as a red light in a window. This Red light meant that he needed to avoid all eye contact. In fact, if he could stop existing, it would be helpful to both of us.

• Blue: After getting back to the office and receiving responses from all sorts of people trying to help me with my email problem, I became emotional. I was touched by the kindness of people who took the time to congratulate me on my publication. At this point, my husband could have seen the cool Blue light emanating from my hat. He would have known that it was safe to hug me again. Except that in the middle of my Blue mood I read a message on my phone that notified me that I was over my minute limits with Verizon. Now I have to make time in my day to go sit in a Verizon store for two hours.  Just as my husband would be reaching out for that hug the Blue light would shift to . . .

• RED!!